The slot tournament. If there’s anything that makes even less sense, or requires less skill, than pushing the slot button (the artist formerly known as a level) hundreds of times in a futile attempt to break the machine out of it’s randomization, it’s this thing.

Let’s start with what, before we inevitably ramble on to why…or more to the point…why in the world. The “what” requires even less skill than you might think possible. It’s basically a contest among many obviously seasoned slots players that pits them against each other in a fast-paced race to the finish line. There’s a time limit, and whomever wins the most takes the title.

Now, far be it from me to inject my two cents into this corner of the slots world, but it would stand to reason in a game where the odds are so far out of your favor, the last thing you’d want is to play into the fast-paced environment. All that’s going to help you do is lose money at a faster rate. If I ever was forced at gunpoint to play in one of these things, I think I’d flip my first quarter in my hand over and over again until the time expired and take my chances that I’d be in the top group just by leaving with what I’d started with. Now that’s strategy, ha!

Seriously, what irritates me isn’t necessarily the lack of skill, talent or strategy so much as it is the fans of slots readily admit and are proud of these traits. The selling point is that anyone can play. And I know if you’re not smart enough to realize you’re a sucker, the saying goes you deserve to have your money taken from you, but I have to be honest here. If you’re a down-on-your-luck, underemployed, just getting by average Joe who never went to college and barely graduated college, and it takes you a little longer to catch on than everyone around you – please, take a hint. You shouldn’t be gambling at any level. Not even bingo.

Especially not bingo.

However, I will give slots one thing. They do keep all these people as far away from me at the poker and blackjack tables as possible. I know, I always seem to give slots a hard time. It’s not right, really, since it’s such an easy target. Next time I cover slots, I promise to do it completely free of sarcasm.

Now THAT takes skill.