Everyone wants to be an expert. Especially in the casino. Especially at the craps table. Nothing’s sexier than asking some 22-year-old blond to blow in your hand while you roll the seven (unless, of course, you’re not trying to roll a seven). C’mon, you’ve all seen that cliche scene in one more or another. But when those dreams translate into reality, you get – at the most basic level – the “dice mechanics.”

These are the people who claim to be able to throw what they want, then they want, every time. And I’m not talking about Chris Evens moving the dice on the cardboard in the movie “Push”, either. (You know you’ve seen it). In fact, these guys are so set up that they even have seminars in big cities all around the country to demonstrate and teach you how to perfect this technique.

The seminars themselves, of course, are all dog and pony show. It’s a couple-foot throw and the dice land on a pre-set number, or a variety of any other extremely remedial demonstrations that would immediately be negated by any real-life casino factors or a pit crew that didn’t have their head up their ass. So, at the very least, if you’re going to believe there is a way to control the dice, do you research for free on the Interent and practicing at home rather than drop you’re hard earned cash on these jokes.

OK, onto the technique itself. The first thing you’d need would be a casino-sized regulation practice table. Without this, anything you think you’re perfecting is worthless at home, since distance, material, hell even wind-resistance will throw off your results. Even a cough that hovers over the table an flip that left die from a 2 to a 3. I’m not trying to be dramatic, it’s a fact. Velocity, bounce, humidity, it all factors into whether your roll comes up what you’ve intended, and you have to have a legendary steady hand and thousands of practice rolls under your belt before you can even think of making this happen.

And that’s why I just don’t believe it’s possible to successfully do this – the exception being maybe a lucky string of three or four in a row. You literally need a robot’s arm to match the precision required to accomplish a perfect roll – whatever that may be for each situation. You have to nail the exact same spot on the table, hold the dice in the exact same position and throw with the exact same velocity – every time – every single time, in order to make this work.

But hey, if you’re into craps 100% and want to give it a go, who’s to really tell you it’s not worth a shot, or worth your time or money. Many believe that even though they can’t pinpoint the exact number they’re roll, they do think that through this method they can at least increase the number of rolls before a seven comes up – thus improving their game and increasing their winnings.

In any event, if I could control the dice, I’d much rather take my talent to the monopoly boards of South Central than the craps tables of Vegas, baby.